It is 12:30 at night and I just can't go to bed. I am so sad. I just keep tearing up.

I went to a funeral today for a friend's son who commited suicide last week. It is just so close to home and I feel Hollis' pain so profoundly. Will was Taylor's age and her daughter is Mary-Catherine's age. They have been to school together since Kingergarten. Hollis is such a devoted mother. She spoke today at the funeral and said that she has been everywhere with Will. She has done everything for him and she wanted to do this last thing for him. I was so impressed with her words. I can't imagine having to go through such a difficult experience. This was a kid who seemed to have it all and be on top of the world. I worry so much about others copying his actions.

Am I doing all I need to do for my children? Am I teaching them to believe in themselves? Am I helping them to find Christ and trust in Him to help them through the hard parts of life? So many questions, so few answers...

Such a beautiful, hopeful life ended. It is just too terrible.

How is my baby 21!!!

This is the little boy that sometimes I long for again. I was so young and he has been with me for 21 of my 40 years. Boy was he adored. We just sat and watched him. I am so thankful for him in my life. So to celebrate his 21st birthday I have 21 things I love about Alex.

1. He is generally so happy

2. He is generally so silly.

3. He is very dramatic. Right Gwen! (spent the night at Gwen's house as a child and wanted to come home. He got on the phone with me and told me that their mattresses were not comfortable. Another time he wouldn't come out of a tent unless he talked to me and they offered him what he wanted to eat.)

4. He can jump like crazy!!

5. He can play Spiderman with the best of them.

6. He patiently navigated London with his mother and GranJan. And I do mean navigated. Most often we had no idea where we were!

7. He is a great friend to his sisters.

8. His favorite women! haha

9. Man does he love music and musicals.

10. I just love him.

11. He wisely loves LSU!!

12. He really CAN jump...pretty cool, too.

13. He is very artistic, too.

14. He is very creative.

15. Sometimes bored at family functions.....happens when you are the oldest of 13 and the youngest is exactly 20 years younger than you!!

16. Attracts many cute ladies!!

17. Even if they seem him like this! He can hardly be embarrassed!

18. He has the cutest peak in his hair.

19. He doesn't mind hanging out with his mom and dad.

20. He loves his video games!!

21. He has blazed the trail for the rest of these kids. He was our experimental child after all!!

We all love him so much!!

Happy "Vegas" Birthday, Alex!