I have been reading so much about mothering and parenting. I have alway been so proud of my job as a mother and never felt that I wasn't contributing. I was momentarily shaken when Lily started school and I found myself at home all day. I am not a very organized or self motivated person. I have used the kids as a motivator to get things done. But, now with the day to myself, I have floundered a bit to find my groove. It has caused me to think quite a bit about my role.

One thing that I read that has influenced how I think is about being a "deliberate mother". In other words, don't just wait for things to happen and then react to them, but decide what I want to do and work to that. I knew this, but reading it and giving it a name has really help how I plan my days........who am I kidding.....not just how I plan, but TO plan! I realized that I have to know what I want to achieve with each day and over all and make things happen to get me to that goal.

Another thing I have read is the article and then the book "Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mother". I read the article from the newspaper first and then HAD to get the book. While I do not agree with the intensity of this mother and definitely not some of her tactics, I do agree that I am responsible to help my children feel successful in school, extra curricular, and even our church obligations (Tiger Mother did not address church....she is non-religious). I can do more than I have done. So Zack and I sat down with the girls and outlined our expectations. We tried to be very clear and help them understand where our expectations come from. I also realize that Tiger Mother did not just lay out these ideas for her kids and then kick her shoes off and relax. She was a very involved part of their day. This is going to require more work from me. Being on top of their work more. Being more in touch.

So, we have changed many things at this house. I have developed what amounts to a behavior modification plan (as I learned from my teacher training) at the Zachary home. All the girls have nightly chores. They are expected to get A's. Now this does not mean that if they get a B we will freak out and punish, but they know that is not acceptable and they need to figure out what went wrong and work a little harder. If they don't do their school work or bring home what is needed then they are responsible for ALL the nightly jobs.....all their sister's jobs. This has only had to be implemented once and let me tell you there was weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth! But it only had to be done once and it has not happened again. ALL the girls' grades have improved and they are being much more responsible with their work.

There is also value in feeling successful in church goals. The bishop has asked the youth to read the entire Book of Mormon by May 20. Not only is there value in the doing of this, but the feelings of success and accomplishment is a real boost to self esteem. The Tiger Mother says, and I agree, "Western parents worry a lot about their children's self-esteem. But as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't."

The worst struggle for me is to keep myself held to these higher standards we have laid down!